The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
