Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
