maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
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Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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