Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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