So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
