My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
