we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
please don't ironically join a cult
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