Your mouth is God's brothel.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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