I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
