Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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