She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
