we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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