Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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