peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
