he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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