Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
