return my video game
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
