So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
