I'm so fucking centered right now
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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