How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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