Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
