drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
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I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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