Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
