Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think my moral compass just broke
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
