he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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