Kareoke will never be a sober sport
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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