next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
