What a fucking waste of an outfit
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize