I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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