If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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