You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
