I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
