She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
