Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
