oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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