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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
