around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
