1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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