I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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