you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
