That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
