In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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