It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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