i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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