She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize