i think my tv is drunk
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
