We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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