My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
