Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
