remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
