I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
