just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
