I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
