We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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