Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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