um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
