NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
