My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
