it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
