he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
