what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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