Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
